Moto trip towards the Baltic Sea

My 800km “Adventure” Through the Country: Where Google Maps & Murphy’s Law Team Up

Ah, the thrill of the open road! There’s nothing quite like planning an 800km bike trip, where you get to test your meticulously-maintained (read: barely-holding-together) machine. I’ve closed the season for 2024 with a long ride planned, with a bike that’s still carrying some vintage fuel from a previous jaunt to Austria. Because who doesn’t love a side of uncertainty with their journey?

Preparing the Beast:

Before we dive in, let’s talk prep. I had to install a phone charger because apparently, phones with maps need electricity these days (especially if you want to log the trip and see upcoming turns)

mounted the side bag for all tools and other unnecessary weight. Also, the fork seals are still leaking, because what’s a trip without a little oil slick surprise? The HD FatBob headlight conversion? Yeah, didn’t finish that in time, so I’m rolling with the old one. But no worries, the weather was forecasted to be warm and dry. Perfect conditions to break down in, right? But here’s the real innovation: I slapped some electrical tape on the speedometer to mark the “top speed.” With all the average speed sections we have in this country, keeping track on this bike is like trying to plug-in the USB on the back of a PC. At least now I can see if the needle is behaving with just a quick glance—because who has time to actually watch the road?

First Stop: Kedainiai

After about 1.5 hours on the road, I made my first stop in Kedainiai. Fueled up and was promptly disappointed when they didn’t give me a receipt. How am I supposed to calculate my bike’s fuel consumption? Guess I’ll just wing it like the rest of this trip. One burger later, I was back on the road—only to discover that my camera lens had mysteriously cracked, likely from being stuffed in my jacket pocket. Because clearly, nothing says “souvenir” like an accidental self-sabotage.

The Dirt Road Debacle

So, I had this route all planned out, courtesy of Google Maps. I double-checked every turn, but, as it turns out, Google doesn’t care about your plans. Rolling through a village, I’ve noticed all the traffic disappeared. No big deal, right? Except, wait… why’s there a dirt road ahead? Quick map check, and surprise! There’s an 8km stretch of dirt road in the middle of my neatly paved route. I mean, sure, it starts and ends with tarmac, but who wouldn’t want a little off-roading action in between?

Waze swoops in to “help,” telling me the road on the left is paved. I look left and see a car kicking up dust like it’s auditioning for a desert rally. Paved, my ass. So, I pulled the classic “turn around and backtrack 10km to find a new route” move, because who doesn’t love adding an extra 30km to their trip just to avoid playing in the dirt?

Kryzkalnis: Where Fueling Up is a Race

After navigating the reroute, I finally made it to Kryzkalnis. Fueled up, moved the bike out of the way, took off my helmet, and walked into the gas station. A mere five minutes later, the shop manager approached me and asked if I was the one who fueled up. Apparently, I’d taken so long to pay that the staff was ready to call in the cavalry, thinking I’d pulled off the great gas station heist. I mean, really, do I look like I’m trying to get away with free petrol? The joys of being an overly-cautious biker, I guess.

Red Bull, Rock Mix, and More Road

With some Red Bull and a rock playlist blasting in my ears, I made another quick stop to stretch my legs before pushing through the last stretch. Six and a half hours, about 400km, no rain, and I finally arrived at my destination. Perfect weather for a ride, minus the minor detours and the gas station drama.

The Return Trip: Cursed Gas Stations & Highway Hell

For the return, I decided to outsmart my previous self by installing Osmand, a GPS app that’s supposed to avoid dirt roads like the plague. Started the day by fueling up, then a stop for a meal and gas in Kryzkalnis again. This time, determined to pay quickly and avoid any suspicion of thievery, I zoomed in and out of the shop. But no, it wasn’t that simple. Somehow, I ended up in a ten-minute debate with the staff over which pump I used, how much fuel I’ve put in and why I’m here in this world at all because apparently, logic doesn’t apply at this particular station. Maybe it’s cursed? Or it’s just me?

Moving on, I hit that infamous dirt road section and a different reroute from the Osmand, only to be greeted by a big orange sign telling me the road was closed. The detour? Yep, you guessed it—straight onto the highway. Because nothing says “fun” like dodging semi-trucks for 11km going 130km/h while your bike’s windshield is taking a holiday.

The Final Stretch

Finally, I made my last stop at Kedainiai, where I met a couple of Harley riders. After some biker chit-chat, I set off for the final leg home. Two roadworks, one near-miss with a car that apparently didn’t believe in looking both ways, and five hours later, I was home. No mechanical issues, so I’d rate this trip a solid 8.5 out of 9.7. Even with the hiccups, it was one hell of a ride.

Final Thoughts

And there you have it, my journey through the countryside, where every plan is just a suggestion and every road is an opportunity for a surprise detour. Who knew that the most thrilling part of an 800km trip could be the battle of wills with a gas station cashier?

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